HOW TO HANDLE YOUR 16-YEAR OLD PREGNANT DAUGHTER

Steps to take so you don’t end up in orange jumpsuits

After being thrown into the deep end by her 16-year old daughter saying she is expecting a baby, Helen Cleote had to count to a hundred more than once so she did not kill her daughter.

“It felt like someone threw a bucket of ice water in my face the moment my daughter said that she is having a baby,” said Helen “If I knew all the things I would have to go through I wish someone could have given me a guide on how to handle everything that comes with a pregnant teenage daughter.”

The reality of teenage pregnancy can hit you with a bang and no one knows exactly how to handle it because every case is different. However there is a basic guideline everyone can follow in order to get through it alive and in one piece.

Do not strangle her…

“After I realised what this pregnancy would do to my daughter’s life I felt like strangling her,” Helen said.

According to Dr Bonn a practising psychologist for 12 years it is natural to want to kill your daughter. It is the reflex of dealing with the disappointment, but it is not the right thing to do.

“In the first flight of your anger you should get space from her for a while and when you are calm again go talk to her,” Dunn says.

Deal with the disappointment:

As a parent you feel like you failed with the raising of your children when your child falls in a trap like teenage pregnancy.

“The best way to deal with your disappointment is to tell yourself it’s not your fault,’ Helen says. “And you have to remember your daughter is just human and we all make mistakes.”

Mr Farmer a social worker says: “In order to keep your family together you have to find productive ways to deal with your disappointment.”

He suggests keeping a diary of your emotions and feelings and discuss it with someone. “Do not keep all your emotions bottled up.”

Discuss her options with her:

Nowadays pregnancy is not the end of your life anymore and a teenager has a lot of options. There is abortion, adoption or the ‘joint custody with my mom’ option.

“You should talk to your daughter about what she wants and tell her how you feel about it, “Helen suggests.

The pregnancy won’t go away if you don’t talk about it and the longer you ignore it the harder it will be to come to a mutual agreement.

“She can’t think straight right now, all that pregnancy hormones is a shock to her, and she will need someone to keep a clear head and help her figure out what she has to do,” Farmer says.

You also need clarity in order to keep your sanity!

DO NOT TRY TO FORCE HER TO GO FOR ABORTION OR ADOPTION:

And yes an ultimatum is force!

Many parents wants their daughters to go for abortion so that their life’s would not be affected by this mistake, but forcing a child to do something that she does not want can only drive a wedge between you.

Dunn says “There are hundreds of parents forcing their children to go for abortions or adoptions whether the child wants to or not and that is wrong.”

Farmer says you should treat your daughter like an adult and discuss these things. It will help her emotionally and in the end you guys will figure out what is best for you all.

“If a family can talk it out and work together, nothing can come between them.” Farmer says.

Support her:

Your daughter’s life is being interrupted far more than yours and she is in a fragile emotional state.

“She will need someone to help her think clearly and show her it’s not the end of the world. She needs to know that she will get through it, with you by her side.” Sunneille, a teen mom said.

A teenage girl is an emotional creature and she needs to know she is loved. She needs support. If that girl happens to be pregnant she needs more support and love than an average hormone driven teen.

Dunn says “As her mother she would want support from you, but would be too scared to ask. So don’t wait for her to come crying to you, go to your child and give her a hug.”

Give her pregnancy advice:

Talk about pregnancies with her; tell her what is happening with her and what she can expect.

Farmer says: “She has no idea what is happening to her body while she’s pregnant.”

He suggests you talk to her and tell her about your pregnancy and what you went through.

“Sharing your experience with her will make the bond even stronger between the two of you” Dunn says.